Big Butt's So What

"Why can't you tell a secret to a whale? Because they are blubber mouths."

It seems there is a new saying going around school these days and my girls, never one's to be left out of a trend, picked up on it. "Big butts so what?" If my translation skills are still any good, I believe that it means something close to "big deal," or something like that. After hearing it eleventy dozen times, I decided to nip this puppy in the butt bud and put a stop to it. Unfortunately, this seems to be as difficult as telling them not to take another breath. What can a mother do? "Moooom, I'm hungryyyyyyyyy!" I turned to my eldest daughter and replied in my ever-so-grown up and sophisticated way "big butt, so what?" Hey, turn about is fair play, ya know. I got a delicious sense of satisfaction when she gave me a dirty look and stalked off into the other room.

Ramblings from he week of October 24-31st

Last weekend I managed to clean the beta's fish tanks (Twinkie, Rags and Dude Jr.). They look so much better. Beta's are very easy to take care of. They don't bite, bark and are house trained. You feed them once or twice a day and you don't need to use a filter, or keep the water at a certain temperature. I swear, they recognized the sound of my voice. "Dude, Rags, here she comes. Look really cute and she might give us another snack!" Funny thing is, they started out as the girls pets but really have turned out to be Mamma's boys.

Speaking of snacks, I would like to see the statistics of the amount of money families with children spend on snacks each year. Why do we feed our children snacks? Think about it (stay with me here). We give them three square (*cough*bs*cough) meals a day. Why do they need any more food? I suspect they do it to annoy us, and we cave in because we get tired of the whining. I once asked Moobear if she would care for some cheese. After all, it would go well with the "whine." Mother's come up with the most clever things to say. Unfortunately, I was not blessed with this talent.

Our typical snack conversations go something like this:

Child: Moooooooooooom! (Note to readers: This is something that is generally shouted from one end of the house to the other, and you are usually in the bathroom when you hear it).

Mom: WHAT??!!! (you yell, not to be outdone).

At this point, said child will move in closer to you and ask that typical question that most parent's hear in their sleep.

Child: Can I have a snaaaaaaaaaaaaack? (Do you ever notice how this question is voiced in a nasally irritating twang?)

Mom: No.

Child: Whhhyyyyyyyyyyy??????? (another annoying word)

Mom: It's too close to dinner.

Child: I'm staaaaaaarving!

Mom: You can have an apple.

Child: But I don't want an apple.

Mom: Then you must not be hungry.

Child: Moooooom, I'm staaaaaarving.

Mom: I told you, you may have an apple.

Child: But I don't like apples

Mom: That's funny, you ate two for dessert last night and had one for breakfast.

Child: I just started not liking them at lunch.

Mom: Alright, alright! You can have an apple or a piece of cheese.

Child: But I don't like that kind of cheese (care for some wine?)

Mom: Well, those are your choices, take it or leave it.

Child: Fine. (said child adds to the effect by letting out a long suffering sigh and stomping out of the room).

Five minutes later, the same conversation takes place. We can't win, can we?

Speaking of F.I.N.E. I am one. Fooked Up, irrational, neurotic and emotional. Do you even wonder why? Besides the daily snack drama, I also have to deal with a child that apparently doesn't know the difference between clean and dirty clothes.

When we do the laundry, we'll take her stuff and put it on the dresser. I had been after her for a while to put the clothes away. Finally, she went into her room muttering about how "uptight' I was (hang on honey, it's only going to get worse). When she came out of her room, I noticed she had changed clothes...again. "Did you hang your dress up?" I asked. "Yep!" she responded. Good girl, I thought. We are really getting there. Did I ever mention I was full of crap?

Later on I went to her room and noticed the dress (the one she said she had hung up) on the floor. I just simply picked it up, walked over to where she and her friends were sitting and held out the dress. She wisely got up and took the dress from me and went to her room to (I thought..remember, I'm full of crap, and gullible too) hang it up.

The day moved on and I was blissfully unaware of anything amiss. I went to sort out some laundry in her room, and what do you know? There was the dress that she had told me she had hung up. In the dirty clothes. In her laundry basket. Rolled up in a ball. As I continued to sort the clothes, I noticed that there were some of the clean clothes in the DIRTY clothes hamper. To add insult to injury, they were still folded. Stupid, stupid child. Doesn't she realize that if you are going to do that, you need to roll the clean clothes up, throw them on the floor, and stomp on them with your dirty tennis shoes? And people wonder why I drink.

Halloween Humor

Since it is October 31st, the official day of Halloween (please, don't get me started on that again). I thought I'd share some humor with you.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: How do you make a witch stew?
A: Keep her waiting for hours.

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: What do you call a person who puts rat poison in a person's Corn Flakes?
A: A cereal killer

Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
A: Tired blood.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.

Q: How is a werewolf like a computer?
A: They both have megabytes.

Q: Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
A: They're afraid of flying off the handle.

Q: How can you tell when a window is scared?
A: They get shudders.

Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.

Q: What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
A: Hello, hello, hello.

Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.

Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he's always a goblin.

Q: What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
A: He's mist.

Q: What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A: Hoblin Goblin.

Q: What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A: A wash-and-werewolf.

Q: What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation?
A: A blood vessel.

Q: What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones

Q: Why did Dracula take cold medicine?
A: To stop his coffin

Your tag is out

I am a Bush supporter but thought this was funny. This is courtesy of my darling sister-in-law.




Shoelacing Methods

And I thought I needed to get a life. Here I was, wrapped up in teaching my kids how to tie their shoes, and I come across this.

You have to wonder. This link was snatched from Supermum's site. I couldn't resist.

Road trips

No need to worry about those long road trips any more. Cut your time in half by eliminating the need for a potty break.




For the full, fascinating story, and instructions on how you can order one of your own, look here.



So that my friends just about sums my thoughts up. I'm sure I've missed something but I'd imagine I'll post about it in the future. I've got a couple of pictures to share from Halloween but I need to upload them and I'm just not in the mood right now. It seems that we forgot to take a picture of Meelie No in her costume. Honey, Dad lost the camera in your sister's laundry basket. It got hidden somewhere between the clean and dirty clothes.

Would y'all care for a snack? I've got some good wine to go with it.