Let's Talk Farts

Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web. (found on Grouchy Old Cripple)

What is it with kids (and husbands) and farts? Oh, wait...should I call it boof, passing gas, short sweet purple one's? Everyone in my family, except me (cough*bs*cough) seems to suffer from this debilitating problem. For god sakes people, that's what we have bathrooms for!

Case in point: Meelie No was standing next to me in the office, showing me her beautiful artistice representation of Rollie Pollie Ollie (OMG..the colors were superb...and everything was in the lines) and she, well, yes..she boofed. Loudly. That wasn't even the bad part. While she was doing that she had her hands down her pants, and afterwards put them up to her face to smell them. Oh like that's an odor I'd like to walk around with all day.

My husband is not better. We will be sleeping and I'll be snuggled up to him (spooning) and he lets off a loud ripper. He immediately wakes up and says..."What did ya say honey?" And when I reply "nothing" he says "then what did you wake me up for?" It generally only takes me about 10 minutes to patch up the hole in my kneecap.

The dog is the worst. Short, sweet, silent purple one's. You know what I'm talking about people. It's amazing. We'll all be cuddled together watching a movie and we smell this obnoxious odor. Alright...who did that? After we make our rounds of accusations and realize it was none of the humans, we all cry out "Tiny!" The dog has the audacity to get up, turn around, give us a disgusted look (as if to say, OMG..how dare you?), bark, and moves into her kennel.

I'm sorry to bring this up, but tonight's episode nearly brought me to my knees. Not an easy task. I must be the only one with this problem. If not, there would be a website about it.