It's all about the jellyfish

Today's subject matter encompasses a variety of topics which are completely unrelated. Simply put, this means I'm going to ramble on about whatever pops into my head in no particular order. This will surely irritate most of you, and for that, I apologize in advance.

Note to readers: This post is easier to understand after consumption of a vast amount of Rum and Coke (or your choice of sedative) and a bottle of aspirin. Your head will hurt, but you won't care.

Let's talk jellyfish. Why? Relax, I'm getting there.

The girls were sitting outside on the driveway, coloring. That is not to say they were coloring ON the driveway, but on boxes. Their little buddy Austin (possible love interest for Melie No), was there with them.

Moobear, in her typical, no-nonsense fashion, states "Mom! Sarah told me that she saw Austin holding hands with Meelie No!" There were a thousand responses tumbling through my head at this point. All I could muster was "Oh?" (I'm really holding my ground here, doncha know?) Austin then told me that he let my daughter hold his backpack (what a guy!), but she promptly toppled over because of its' weight. I am now not thrilled with my future son-in-law. Always quick to reassure, Melee No pipes up with "don't worry mom, we aren't romantic." I was vastly relieved as this meant I would not be planning a wedding in the near future.

Back to the jellyfish. I'll do my best to repeat this conversation verbatim, but realize I was deeply traumatized by the explanation.

Austin: Have you ever gotten stung by a jellyfish?

Girls: No.

Austin: I have (his chest puffed out).

Girls: What did it feel like?

At this point, I know I should have just stood up, went back in the houuse, and gotten a glass of wine. Being inordinately nosey, this was of course, beyond my capabilities. It wasn't hard to talk myself into staying.

Speaking of talking to myself, I'd like to mention that this is something I do on a regular basis. I mean, I've gotten it down to an art. It starts when I get up in the morning. I begin conversations that help me plan my day. I discuss what I need to do, and in what order. It continues when I drive into work. I must confess that I get a lot of funny looks, but that's ok. What do people expect? I am from California after all. Thankfully, I can control the urge for stimulating conversation with myself while I'm at work, though I have been known to talk to my computer. This stimulating conversation continues on through the evening, until I close my eyes and drift off to la-la land.

Some people would question this behavior, and perhaps believe that I am seriously in need of a long stay at Happy Meadows. I, on the other hand, have no doubt that I am perfectly sane. I ask myself that question all the time. An my answer is always yes! One good thing about talking to yourself is that you never lose an argument. If you do, call the Manager at Happy Meadows, he'll leave the light on for you.

OK, on with the jellyfish. This might be a good time to review the earlier comments about jellyfish in case I have totally lost you. While you're at it, go get yourself another Rum & Coke.

Note: Remember, these are Austin's words.

Austin: Well, I was at the beach and I went into the water. All of a sudden something bit me. It was like a pinch. I thought it was a crab bite so I got out of the water and took a look at it. It was this red bump. Then it really started to hurt. And the bump go bigger and redder. Then it started to sorta turn purple, and it started t swell. And it was really hurting. Then I started to cry (the girls issued words of never-ending support at the agony he must have endured. I, on the other hand, just sat there thinking that if I knew what was good for me, I'd stop the flow of words coming out of his mouth.)

Austin continues: So I walked over to my dad, and I showed the bump to him. He told me that I'd gotten stung by a jellyfish. I was really crying hard because it was hurting so much. So he told me that the best way to make it stop hurting was to pee on it" (thank you Austin's dad). And then he stopped talking. It was obvious he was waiting or a response. I just sat there fighting for composure with my mouth wide open (the gnats around here love it when that happens).

Amelia then chimed in with "Ew, that's disgusting!" (I guess the romance is off)

In conclusion, I'd like to end this entry with some sage advice.

1. Never read my posts without consuming large amounts of alcohol and aspirin.
2. Never listen in on children's conversations.
3. Never talk o yourself in front of anyone.
4. Never respond to your child when they say "pull my finger."

Oh wait! Number 4 is for another post. What is it about bodily functions that fascinate a child so much? Dare I examine that one closely? I think not. Just look what happened with the jellyfish.