I only wanted a little bit of popcorn

Picture this. It's Friday, the school bus pulls up at the corner. I'm not home very often when this happens so I'm looking forward to seeing the little midget terrorists and getting to spend some time with them.

Just to back track a little (oh, and like THAT'S something new here), there are two little girls who are on the same bus as mine and they come and stay at our house until their dad comes and picks them up (within a half hour). Today, he was going to be a little late, so I would have them for longer. This is NOT a big deal to me. Things like a house full of children don't phase me. Perhaps it's because I used to wear rubber bands around my neck when I was a child, which often times cut off the blood circulation to my brain that did it. I'm not saying that's the reason or anything...but it could be. Ya know?

Anyway, The Instigator and Prince Charming both came over (boys, aged 11 and 10 respectively) and they all wanted (you guessed it) a snack. Good thing I stocked up on popcorn last weekend. I made the kids each their own bag (nukeable kind) and then decided it smelled so good I wanted some. I wasn't hungry enough to want a bag of my own, just a couple bites. Do you think those little wieners would share with me? Not a chance.

As they stuffed their mouths with the delicious smelling popcorn (they all had chipmunk cheeks), I shamelessly continued to beg. It's worse when I drool. It humiliates my oldest daughter to no end and I'm evil enough to find that amusing.

Me: Please, just one bite? Please?

Moobear: hrfpd slijst (she muffled through the popcorn in her mouth)

Me: Awe, come on Prince Charming! You are my man. You'll share, right?

PC: silxlospft lsot

Me: Please, I'll be your best friend. (I have no shame)

All: slif slkeeke timtlkee nsidlds!!!!!!

I took that as a no. I decided to resort to drastic measures. While casually walking by The Whisperer, I bent down, grabbed her bag of popcorn and took off running like a bat out of hell.

Unfortunately I had forgotten that I am old, and cannot run fast or last as long as the young nubile children, who were quickly gaining on me. I finally collapsed in a heap on my bed, and they all did an impression of Kamikaze Pilots, and their target was anywhere on my body. Dog pile!!!!! I was proud. I held on to that bag of popcorn for a good 30 seconds before they were able to take it away. Happy that they had conquered yet another evil mother in their world, they skipped off to go finish watching the movie, and eating the popcorn they would not share.

The bad part of this whole thing was that after all of that, I never did get any popcorn. Of course, I probably wouldn't be able to eat it anyway. You see, it's difficult for me to chew now. An elbow connected with my jaw during the intense scuffle.

My breathing is returning to normal. After 12 Ibuprofen, the pain is starting to dim...somewhat. It's difficult for me to sit for long periods of time so I am laying on the floor, one arm stretched towards the keyboard, typing.

Will someone bring me a glass of water please?